Separating during the holiday season can be complicated, balancing your own needs with the needs of your children and family expectations. Keep these considerations in mind as you transition into a separated family this season. Your children always come first Regardless of how you feel about your spouse, the key to good co-parenting is making
I’m not your messenger: Please talk directly to each other and don’t leave letters to each other in my knapsack. Your anger is hurting me: I understand that divorcing leaves parents emotionally exhausted. I need strong, patient, and caring parents. You are teaching me anger when you are fighting with each other in my presence.
The first questions should focus on how you want to proceed. Here’s an example: Do you want to be heard about what matters to you? If this is an important issue for you, then consider staying away from choosing an approach like court where your ‘hired gun’ does all the talking. What does being heard
The very first consideration of separating and divorcing parents is about their children. Whether the children’s needs are discussed in front of the judge or perhaps with the assistance of a government agency such as the Office of the Children’s Lawyer the plan developed for each child’s care, moral training, education and other matters will
Unique to each family: Each member’s needs and desires should be taken into account: running the family business and involving the older children to ensuring younger children have stimulating after school programs and optimum sports involvement to further develop their skillset. Parenting plans are more than mimicking another family’s schedule. Make it wholly relevant to
My earlier blog on Designing a Parenting Plan addressed the nuts and bolts of developing a child-focussed, viable, and flexible family plan. Typically there will be a provision in the event a dispute arises and cannot be resolved between the parents. Before reaching the point of turning to a stranger to find a solution, here
I recall a client telling me that we didn’t have to discuss the needs of his eldest son because he would be spending most of his time with his friends and often sleeps over with one of them. The father felt disappointed but he confessed that his son will soon move away so the family
Whether your children are newborns or young adults, they have an undisputed legal right to be nurtured, fed, protected, appropriately disciplined, and guided through life’s joys and difficulties. Parents and caregivers are obliged to act in each child’s best interests. For the parents and partners acting as a parent to a child in a new
One of my best friends, Jim, is facing what he sees a tough road ahead. It’s not that he and his wife are separating; it’s the unwelcome help he’s receiving from his gym mates. One soccer buddy boasts that Jim must lead the troops and show the rest of the guys what we’re made of.
Whether you are entering into a relationship; already sharing a home together; or you or find yourself at the end of your marriage or long term partnership, developing a comprehensive prenuptial, cohabitation, marriage or separation agreement can be a daunting task.
How do you start? How do you create an ideal parenting plan? How do you divide the funds held in a joint account and who will carry the jointly held mortgage? Do the terms in your prenuptial agreement need to be reviewed when you decide to marry? What is the difference between a family home and a matrimonial home?
To create a viable long term agreement by directly involving you, a critical participant with your spouse or partner, requires acknowledging difficult emotions, distinguishing individual goals from interests in common, and being able to deal promptly with urgent needs. It also means ensuring that each spouse openly and fully shares with the other all information necessary to understand the big financial picture. Consider the current cash flow, future resources available for retirement, and savings available to fund the children’s post secondary educational programs. With each spouse fully understanding their legal rights and obligations and with complete financial information in hand, they will be able to critically assess all possible options: sorting the viable and durable ones from those which sound intriguing but are unsustainable. Working with a mutually agreed framework also helps to develop trust and consensus.
Introducing the Collaborative Process
I stopped to watch this little toddler and his encounter with a wrought iron railing. With his stuffed toy firmly in his little grip, he ventured confidently between two posts of the railing as though they didn’t exist. He quickly gained his balance standing on the bottom rail and excitedly waved his arms freely on the other side of the posts. He was fascinated that he could see his arms and his toy waving over there. His parents stopped in their tracks, turning to watch him with knowing expressions on their faces.
The toddler’s confidence slowly waned to insecurity. He became unsure how to continue forward with his beloved toy still in his grip. Without uttering a word, the father gently took the toy from the toddler’s hand, and watching the child’s eyes pop wide in wonder, the father moved the toy in a slow, gentle arc from in front of the child to beside the child outside the end post. The toddler followed the movement of his toy and stepping backwards, he freed himself. He joyfully reached out for his toy and fell back in step behind his parents.